How would you mark turning 50?

Party? Holiday? Dinner with friends? A nice lie-down? Not if you're Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth, celebrating 50 by being spray-painted gold (Pic: Andrew Yee)

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Gwyneth has turned 50. In case you hadn’t noticed. (What rock have you been under? Budge up, I’m coming in). And to celebrate, has she gone on a margarita-fuelled bender? Thrown a wild weekend-long party? Pigged out on dairy? Nope, nope and nope again. (As far as we know anyway. It’s so far off-brand, I’m pretty sure she’d never let us know if she had.) She has had her naked self spray-painted gold. And then been photographed by a Vogue cover photographer. For herself, not for the viewing public, you understand. This is strictly a female gaze kinda thing. Alongside giving countless interviews about how great being 50 is. (On that, I'm with her.)

Now before we go any further, I'm not in the business of knocking Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes, Goop works my nerves with its cod-science and over-priced snake oil. But Paltrow has turned herself from an Oscar-winning actress to an extremely successful and capable business woman with an enviable business. That is no mean feat, even with her very many advantages. I salute her. She is clearly a grafter (Si apre in una nuova finestra), an indefatigable promoter of the Goop brand (look how I've just dutifully written 1000 words on it!) and, arguably, she looks better than ever. (Which is only relevant in as far as this particular conversation goes.) I salute that too. Albeit with my fingers crossed behind my back while eating a Mini Magnum. (Do you think Gwyneth has ever had a Mini Magnum? She has no idea what she's missing.)