Liberated. A declaration, a reminder, a love story.

For a long time, it felt like I’d never feel fully free and liberated. But the fact that I wanted to feel this way was the fuel I needed to continue my path. To return to practice over and over again, to reflect, contemplate, untangle and melt old stories. To open my heart and mind to new ways of communicating with myself and nourishing trust, presence, compassion and curiosity.

Something was guiding me to believe that with each challenge, win, lesson, breakdown and breakthrough another layer of old beliefs was melting, and that at some point, it would all shift.

And it did.

And there are, for sure, still beliefs and stories working under the surface that I’m not aware of — but what changed was that I began to invite more experiences, and most importantly, space.

Space to be in uncomfortable and loving conversations with myself, so I could meet myself with compassion and radical honesty, here and now, not continuing to live in a fantasy world where everything was working out perfectly.

I began to explore how I wanted to feel, how these frequencies were already a part of my life and asking how I could invite more of it.

I repeated all of the above many times, year after year, each time with another frequency I was longing for.

And over the years I noticed that we all go through similar phases — we’re all human, right?

We share a longing for joy, aliveness, love, depth, peace, health, freedom - add yours.

We live in a society that taught us to separate body and mind, to think something through instead of tuning into what our body (and heart) has to say. But the connection, actually an interconnectedness, exists, and is only waiting for us to be fully honoured and embodied.

This is how the magic returns and unfolds.

While I was preparing the Opening Circle for our Journey called Liberated and while I’m writing this, I could and can feel the magic flowing back into my life, like a soft breeze on a hot day, a beautiful veil of mist softening a landscape, bringing back the mystical, excitement for life, the joy of being of service, the passion for creating experiences and spaces for humans to fall in love with their humaneness, to remember their innate qualities, to dissolve what’s weighing heavy on their hearts.

Why am I sharing this?

I want to talk about how the magic returns, how it becomes accessible again.

And how resistance and fear almost made me believe I’m just not strong and resilient enough for following my heartfelt desires and inner vision for a more authentic life.

I know I’m not the only person who felt like giving up this year.

Giving up because I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, what I should do next, how I would make a living, if I would ever be in a loving relationship again, if I would ever feel completely at home in my body and mind, confident and at peace.

All the voices and stories I thought I had overcome.

I believe I had to look at and hear all these voices and stories again so I could consciously, lovingly and wholeheartedly choose and declare my truth, which is:

I can’t possibly know everything.

And, I want to love myself, unconditionally.

Because when feeling rooted in love, fear has no space to grow.

And I don’t know is enough of an answer.

Saying I love you to myself and meaning it, feeling it deep within my heart, my bones, in every cell of my body, is healing something within me that no one else could ever heal.

The not knowing creates space.

Space for new perspectives, experiences, beliefs and ways of being.

And yet the space I’ve created this year felt shockingly uncomfortable. Terrifying at times.

My mind had nothing to stay busy with, no schedule, just space to listen, experiment and be present with myself — which opened the doors to my shadows, emotions and experiences that I had buried a long time ago.

When I came back from Spain, a time of following my heart’s longing to explore new ways of living, I knew I needed time to integrate and reflect, to re-align, to sit with all the pieces and experiences, the joy, the grief, the excitement, the passion, the lessons.

A process of assimilation. So I could let this new chapter, a whole new book, maybe a new era even, begin to unfold within, not as a fantasy anymore but finally (!) as a lived experience, so it all could inform my life, and rewrite old beliefs and fears.

What I didn’t expect was a process of transformation that literally brought me down to my knees, called me into the depth of my being, tested how much I trusted life, if I was finally willing to let go of the belief that I had to keep it all together, to figure it all out on my own, to control even in subtle ways, to ask for help, let other people in, let them see the real me, vulnerable, humble and human.

Literally laying on the floor, fully surrendering to whatever needed to be seen, I knew, giving up on my vision and truth would not fix anything.

It was a part of me holding on to the old way of being that I needed to give up, to let go of.

It was a part of me afraid of dying — because it had to. The part of me who wanted to be in control at all times, the part of me who would bend her truth and values so people would like her, the part of me who wanted to avoid feeling rejected at all costs.

This process is never a dead-end nor linear.

Something dies and something new is born, it’s a cycle, natural and necessary.

Knowing that where there’s love, fear can not exist for long, I decided, a long time ago, to lean into love, to invite in all the aspects of love, especially radical self love, seeing each moment of self doubt and self judgement as a new possibility to meet myself with compassion and kindness.

And I began to see these challenges and processes as a gift, something that would at some point, be the experience I needed to support and assist others on their path, to be able to be with pain, grief and excitement and joy. To be the person who is okay with feeling deeply, to be human, to be authentic, honest, warm, bold, devoted, wild, gentle, kind, soft and courageous. For myself and others.

Loving ourselves unconditionally, understanding that our capacity to give and receive love and feeling deeply rooted in love can still expand and grow reminds us that it is worth the effort, saying yes to the whole spectrum of life, all emotions.

If there’s more love waiting for us (within), it’s worth walking into the darkness.

Artwork by Heidi Mahne (almheidi.illustration)

If we can feel the light, a sense of our true nature, the warm layer of self love around our tender heart, we can journey into the darkness, with a little more courage, seeing more clearly what wants to be brought into the light of loving awareness, so it can transform.

I think we agree that these phases aren’t all rainbows and unicorns and that at times, we need to let it all burn down, let it all fall apart, let our hearts break open, not apart, there’s a difference.

And I wanted my heart to feel open. I wanted to remember how life feels like when I’m able to receive and give. To weave myself into the web of life through being of service and receiving life, love.

So giving up was never a real option.

Because once we get a glimpse at how life can feel like when we open our hearts and minds to new experiences, when we’ve walked to the edge, tasted the sweetness of our dreams coming to life, even just a tiny portion, nothing and no one can ever erase this vivid memory, this experience. Even if we try to forget, to hide it away to ease the pain of not taking any further steps because fear, challenges and doubts make us believe it’s just not for us, telling you to be grateful for what you have, to not be selfish, to just wait a little longer, to learn and study more before you can start, (add yours to the list).

So, I’m asking you now:

What is it that wants to be seen, acknowledged, felt?

This moment in time feels more than potent. We’re in a season which is associated with magic, power and transformation. We’re going through a huge shift with Pluto soon moving into Aquarius for the next 19 years. On Thursday, we’ll have a super full moon in Taurus, shining light on where we hold on to our attachments, our stubbornness, the need to control.

Scorpio season and Samhain

In Scorpio season and Samhain (November), we all are invited to surrender to nature’s cycles and wisdom, to remember deep within our bones how connected we are with everything and everyone around us, how the darkness is a time of rest, death and (re)birth.

To trust this unfolding, even if we can’t see the results yet. We might not even feel a (big) change yet, but we can become more sensitive to the subtle changes happening each day, because they are real, and they add and grow into something stunning, beautiful and unique.

What changed for me over time, through practice, compassion, support and patience, was that the restlessness turned into a deep sense of peace. Surrender and trust dissolved doubts and fears.

Whenever I open(ed) up about my fears and doubts, people would be surprised and tell me how confident I seem, courageous even.

And while this is a part of me, I want you to remember that both, everything on the spectrum of being human can exist within, the doubt, the fear, the passion, the drive and courage — we can choose what we feed.

We can choose to lean into different elements, nourish what supports from within.

Because even if we become aware of what we want to do, create, work, what we’re passionate about, and are taking aligned steps, we will still face challenges, probably at least once doubt ourselves to the extent that we might consider giving up and (try to) return to an old way of being.

So let’s choose to invite all of the support, rituals, habits, perspectives, values and qualities to feel nourished from within, to remember our true nature, to be more vulnerable in our relationships, be open to new connections, to speak our truth, listen to our body, express ourselves (creatively).

It’s all connected by an invisible yet tangible thread: self love.

Love will free us eventually. From too tight constructs of the mind, from acquired limitations, like stories, beliefs, expectations, all the ways we are not living from love and wholeness.

And love has many expressions, so many, we can find our own doorway, a portal to living from love. It will help us break free, to set boundaries, to walk away from situations and people which and who aren’t in alignment with our heartfelt values. We will draw in new experiences and people we can grow with. It’s all meant to serve your unfolding. I truly believe that.

It’s just not easy to see and feel it while we’re in the middle of a storm or phase of death and rebirth. And yet, after many storms and cycles, we become more gentle, more present and resilient, we might even feel excited and curious about what we’re going to (un)learn, heal, find and transform.

Over time, it feels more safe to surrender. Especially when we feel held by ourselves and others. We’re never really alone in these times.

This is what yoga offered me in the very beginning of my quest for meaning and a more authentic life, a sense of hope that I could remember this truth deep within: wholeness, unity, (inter)connectedness. Because deep within I knew it was true.

And here I am, writing within the container I created for letting my creativity flow freely, to connect with you, to follow my passion, to no longer hold myself back.

Don’t let those inner voices stop you from nourishing the softer voice within your heart.

You are able to choose the radio station. Choose to tune into the heart a little more often.

And let love nurture your courage to question the other voices and stories.

It’s worth it. Your dreams are. Say yes to life. A life unfolding from the depth of your heart.

To liberate yourself from the heaviness, the holding on.

Open, soften, rest. So you can feel what’s alive within, the seeds of potential.

Waiting for you to be nurtured, protected and appreciated.

As always, share what’s on your heart.

I hope these words serve you in some way.

If they do, consider supporting my writings & future projects.

And if feeling more free, authentic, even liberated is something your heart is longing for, check out my website (Abre numa nova janela), there’s always an offering that intends to assist you on your path.

Much love,

Teresa