It's me i guess?

What's going on

I asked myself...

But there is no reply coming from inside...

I wish you could feel what it feels like to be in my head.

I just remember it being very chaotic and I was hearing all of these voices... All those voices kept getting louder and louder and louder...

My thoughts take over my mind often.

It's hurt when I think about my past...

I wanna know how to breathe again...

Do I love my own self?..

How do I learn How to breathe my own breath?

I don't knw how to get out...

But eventually, I knw I could,

But there is always that fear that That's gonna happen again...

And again it's hurt me so much Maybe much more than before

That's why I must keep running away from people...

When again someone goes away Naah it's not dadu anymore

This time Tabassum left

I was a psychopath...

After some regular diagnoses,

I found myself with bipolar disorder...

During the sessions,

Doc asked me About my mental state

And some unanswerable questions

Like

Are u upset about life,

What things make u happy now,

Are the mind or soul separated?

And so many more

In every meeting, my doc asked me a diff kind of question

that I didn't have an answer ...

I'm gonna be honest

I didn't wanna go to the doc

But I didn't want to be trapped in myself In my mind anymore...

I thought my life was getting over without them.

I think I was like,

This is how I'm gonna be forever

That's why I said I have some best friends and family

But I shouldn't have spoken to them the way that I did

I shouldn't have treated them the way

I did as usual...

I know and I want to tell them all the shit

I'm going through But I guess sometimes I can't explain it...

When I got out of that I'm so scared What if it happened again?

What if the next time I didn't come back?

When I was a kid

I was scared of losing people

Cuz they always left

There is a boy who is crippled by anxiety

And can't move when he looks in the mirror

He smiles when everyone is looking but cries

when he's alone.

He guesses himself because it's disgusting to show himself

My world's so empty

Cuz it's so big and cold

I want joy and hope

Want a space with no sound and clean air

where I can finally breathe...

What has been not what will be Am I stuck?

I'm so young

But I have not felt it since I was younger

And now it just hurts

In the morning when I wake up

And cry cuz it hurts Everyone and everything

I have been continuously having really bad dreams

Bout my past and stuff

I think my past and my mistakes

Which drives me into a depression

I just feel stuck and just only thing i wish and want to move forward

I want to explain

I hear feel better when

I have ans,

Sometimes therapy was really hard to do

But it's okay.

Why I'm here

Why I'm alive

A part of my heart is still with her

Maybe still I'm totally into her

Or I became like her

But I felt guilty being there sometimes

I don't knw,

I hate that

It's so tough cuz

I feel so selfish

Yes being in her was great And

yes, I feel like a left an impact on her too.

But the question is to me like

I've done enough?

Talking about her

I love to do

That's beautiful

 she is beauty

I don't knw that thing makes me fool

Or great still being in that memories

But it's beginning for me

(I see you and u see me And that's cuz I won't look like u But you are not you anymore, Maybe I am not the one anymore I was)

When you are struggling with your mental health

the easiest part of it is knowing

what to do and figure out that

It's something that I did not ashamed of To be in love with u

And after you

And to accept the things I'm in

And I done mistakes before

or after I'm going to do 

can I love myself again

My mind used to say this every day

when I think about myself

you're not a bad person

You're not crazy

You're not a psycho

You're not any of this

But you're gonna have to deal with this

I knw this is a lot but this is the reality

And I found having a relationship

with bipolar and myself

I knew

I'm gonna be there

I'm just making it my friend now And you, dear

Maybe i need to go through that to be who I am and

I keep gonna and keep going through it

But I'm really happy

I'm at peace

I'm angry

I'm sad

I'm confident

I'm a little bit psycho

I'm full of doubt

I'm a working in progress

I'm enough

I'm Ravi.......................................................