Return home. Meet your (soul) self.

A guide and reminder for when all of your cells, your heart, your soul are yearning for alignment, authenticity and freedom.

This is for those of you who... 

- (over)think a lot and at some point realized it doesn’t have to be like this, at least not always

- doubt(ed) (and compared) yourself, because this critical voice inside has/ had a lot to say — and if a part of us is loud, we listen, right?

- want to do it your way. And at the same time realising that there might be beliefs, resistance and fears keeping you from actually doing it your way

- forget to pause, keep yourself busy, do more, so you feel like you’ve done at least something (but the list never ends and you want to devote time to your dreams, too)

To be honest, these past six weeks have been the most intense time of my life so far. I'm finishing this blogpost from Granada, the city I fell in love with last month, not knowing that I'd move here just a few weeks later, and yet sensing that there's something to explore, to learn, to experience. This helped me make a quick, aligned and healthy decision last week: I needed a space to reflect on how I truly want to live, to have some distance to systems and dynamics that weren't serving anyone, especially not me. I needed to listen to my body.

And with some more distance I'll be able to share more, I want to be transparent, honest and I want to honour the friendship and collaboration I nourished and grew over the past months with my friend, not creating more confusion or pain. It is personal and yet an experience that is part of a journey, an exploration, that I began to share with you at the end of 2023. 

I suddenly (hello Uranus stationing direct) find myself returning to my intention from the end of 2023, to explore different ways of living, being (so Aquarius... can it be too much aligned? I don't think so, I believe this is how trusting the flow, the organic unfolding of life, feels like, especially when you're in a Uranus cycle).

I'm sitting in a cave, a luxurious*, bright, absurdly beautiful cave, with the most incredible view you can imagine. (*running warm water, cozy and basic furniture, a kitchen, a spacious bathroom, my friend's library, a garden speaking to my earthy sun and moon waiting to be taken care of ✿).

That being said, let's dive into today's musings.

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When I began writing the following in the beginning of January, I felt so optimistic and at ease, focused and inspired. And a few hours later it shifted completely, up and down and up again, then back at a more relaxed state (because I didn’t run away from uncomfortable conversations, because I allowed myself to feel it all and eventually made a decision that brought me back to my intention, my truth and authentic self) — what I’m learning is loosening the grip around anything, especially inner stories, letting what needs to be seen, talked about, change, just happen and flow, while returning home often, back to my own centre. 

I know this is a time I will look back at with so much gratitude one day (soon). I can feel it in waves already. 

Here’s what I want to share ⤸

Lately the words didn’t flow. Lately my inner critic got louder, had more to say, conversations became more tense, my body spoke louder, literally every part that didn’t feel fully aligned had to go through a phase of falling apart, cracking open and eventually death - I know, this might sound dramatic and I can hear a voice inside of my head saying “get your shit together, there are so many scary and terrible things happening, don’t add yours to it” - while there is a truth to it, a part of me doesn’t like being overly dramatic, the underlying beliefs of being too much, better not adding more to the “field”, having to hold it all together are not serving anyone. Holding back our pain or opinion doesn’t contribute to harmony, it creates confusion, resentment and eventually conflict (which so many, including me, shy/ shied away from).

We have the need to share, to be seen, in all our aspects, not only the positive, strong and happy ones — we’re human, not robots. We connect on deeper levels, heal and grow when we share our true selves. It is challenging, at times f****** scary. Because there might be a deeply rooted fear of rejection. And I’m of course, as always, speaking from my own experience. I believe sharing our experiences is of value, sharing authentically, being honest and transparent and raw, vulnerable — which makes it at times hard to feel “professional” - but what does this actually mean? 

Do we really want to believe we have to live through separate parts?

The professional, the teacher, the daughter, the student, the coach, the “fill in the blank” - or are you ready to be human, be yourself (without adding more pressure to be your true, best self at all times), can you choose to be present, remember your ability to “manage” moment by moment, not controlling, but responding, being receptive, mindful?

There’s SO MUCH relief when we drop the “holding it together”, the armour around our heart, the cage around our authentic voice, the weight from our shoulders from taking responsibility for anything and everyone, when we stop holding back parts of us in order to keep the peace, smiling when we really don’t feel it (did you ever observe that? I was kind of shocked when I realized that I automatically smile, a real physical reaction, whenever a person enters a room, passes me, etc. — yes most of the time I feel openness and joy seeing people and sometimes I’m actually focused, and want to stay focused, not wanting to connect, aaand a part of me wants to be liked, be perceived as friendly and kind). 

So what I’m saying is: let’s acknowledge that we do have different roles and, maybe more important to see, there are younger versions and with that fears and beliefs alive within us, that at times surface, which are longing to be embraced, seen and loved, so they can be integrated, so we can shift into our more loving and mature selves. 

New territory stirs up old patterns and fears

We all carry these versions in us and whenever we face new challenges or enter new territory, some parts of them are joining the conversation. Can we see those parts without using them as an excuse? Can we admit that we are all learning, growing, healing? Can we be a little more compassionate with ourselves and others? Can we step out of the blaming, wanting to be right, wanting to control? 

Looking through the astrological lens aka listening and aligning with our heart and soul

This is exactly what we’re collectively asked to move towards now, and individually — with the North Node shifting into Pisces (spirituality, oneness, unity, dreams, higher consciousness, death and rebirth, (…) — plus leaving behind the expectation of doing it perfectly, of the other being perfect - this is an illusion. 

The South Node shifting into Virgo reminds us of these lower frequencies, it’s again not about blaming, but creating awareness how and when we embody these lower frequencies so we can meet them with compassion, question the truth of what we believe about ourselves, about others or a situation. 

That being said — communicating my needs and wants still feels rocky in more challenging situations, almost childish how I’m expressing myself. And it makes so much sense.

Exploring our heartfelt desire and longing

I’ve been exploring what authenticity truly means to me for the last I would say six years, I had an idea, I felt the longing to be authentic, but I couldn’t fully grasp the deeper meaning in the beginning.

When we explore something for the first time, we step into the beginner’s mindset, and not only with our mind but our whole being - at least in my experience - our heart and body experience this shift, too. 

And what I learned from exploring authenticity over the last years is that what I was deeply longing for was feeling free, lighter, mature, courageous, soft and wild, able to live in alignment with my own rhythm, in harmony with nature. To feel liberated from all that is not mine to carry, to believe.

Free from tension, people pleasing and co-dependency patterns, old beliefs, resistance.

I couldn’t possibly know how much I would learn about myself, how much my life would change.

How I would finally take responsibility to draw my dreams and vision into reality and stop fantasizing, living in a dream land, or obsessing over the past.

I could’t know where this path would lead me and it probably would have overwhelmed me if I had seen just a glimpse of it. 

Stop holding on to the old ways*, open the grip, open your heart and mind

*systems, patterns, beliefs, structures, thoughts, behaviours, habits, (…)

We grow while we’re walking our path. We choose and attract (yes, I’m using this word even though it makes me cringe sometimes) our companions as we go, we don’t need a 10 year plan.

Our vision and dreams change as we become more clear and honest about what we truly want and need — because it is a process of untangling, pulling and melting away layers of what we’ve learned, accumulated and believed in.

All the overthinking, doubting, comparing, keeping ourselves busy, blaming, tending to the little fires and supporting or waiting for others are symptoms of not being in our power, living informed by “shoulds”, fears and patterns like pleasing, abandoning ourselves and co-dependency.

I can’t and I don’t want to claim I’m an expert from a psychological perspective, but from diving deep into those patterns, “working” with Yoga, having studied social work, Positive Psychology in a 6 months program about meaning, authenticity, needs, values, strengths, mindfulness techniques, etc., reading (a LOT), applying, practicing, questioning, guiding, teaching, continuously studying, integrating and asking for support when I can’t see clearly — 

I can say: I have SOME experience in this field. 

I know how it feels when the inner critic returns, how it effects the body when you try to hold it all together, when you swallow things down, when the tension becomes almost unbearable, the voice fails and everything feels more heavy, like you’re stuck, being pulled down into another dark spiral.

I know how it feels when the grief about “lost opportunities and possibilities” covers everything with a layer of darkness,

I know the fear of being rejected, being perceived as too much or not good enough.

I know how it feels to exist in a trance state, on autopilot.

I also know how all of the above can shift. 

There’s no external magic potion. 

And this might sound like I’m romantizising, but love is the inner, inherent magic potion, a slow, natural, innate one.

I know how love in all its facets can shift, transform and heal us. Healing is the process of remembering that we’re already whole. 

Love takes the form of self love, self-compassion, curiosity, openness, honesty, creativity, it is all rooted in love. 

Nurture the seeds within (aligned with Aquarius season and Imbolc)

It is our job to nurture the seed that already exists within us, maybe even the whole flower or tree — a garden. We just need to remember that they exist within, in the darkness, in our womb space, where new life resides, physically and energetically. 

We need to return to this inner source. 

How else can we live from a place of love? How else can we stand strong in our truth, rebel against what makes our hearts contract and close? How else can we choose love over fear? How else can we choose to open our hearts and minds to new ways of being, relating, living?

I have tears in my eyes because I too still forget this sometimes. When it is all too overwhelming. But then I remember, and my heart feels less heavy. 

My heart can open again. No matter how intense, challenging, seemingly hopeless a situation is. 

There’s always hope. 

If the above resonates, check this out ⤸ the next blogpost will have a paywall, it helps me continue this path and provide more content like this ❀

More on how the cosmos has our back, and nudges, urges us to embrace new ways (which could mean really anything)

Aquarius (sun transiting this sign, Pluto hanging out in this sign for the next 19 years, my own natal Saturn in Aquarius) and Pisces (North Node in Pisces) are supporting us, the cosmos literally assists us moving into this new way of being:

Living from a place of love.

Dissolving the illusion of being separate.

Remembering unity.

Being ourselves.

Being authentic, compassionate, kind, open, courageous, rebellious, revolutionary, soft, wild, calm, relaxed, enthusiastic, joyful, creative, real. 

Allowing ourselves to envision a life rooted in our truth — and therefore creating space to listen, to unravel, to question.

So I’m asking myself, you - and the karmic collective aspects, the Lunar Node are asking us, too - to:

❋ Come back to choosing love, intentionally, over and over again (this is the vibe: ❥ My love is your love (Si apre in una nuova finestra))

❋ practice to recognise fear (lack, doubt, comparison, at times competition, shame, greed, blame, etc.), so we can meet these parts of us with compassion

❋ allow support, we’re not alone in this.

And, to ask the most important question: how does being authentic feel in your body, heart, mind and soul?

Reflect to (re)align

Because we just entered AQUARIUS SEASON and this means frequencies, energies and honouring your own authentic truth is THE THEME we are invited to explore — everything is consciousness, energy. 

▸ So again, how does it feel to live authentically?

▸ How can you invite this into your life? 

▸ Where/ when is this already a reality? 

▸ Where are you holding back because you want to belong? 

▸ What price are you paying to feel like you belong? Is it worth it? How can you shift into a more aligned, authentic way of being? Trusting that being yourself will guide you to your "real" tribe?

▸ Where do you question or doubt yourself because your opinion or vision seems to be different to all the others? 

▸ Where do you want to break free? What feels restrictive?

▸ What's your intention for this season (and year)? Practice with me (Si apre in una nuova finestra) to feel into this.

Remember Uranus rules Aquarius, and this planet just stationed direct — meaning there’s momentum, a pull, a (not so gentle) push towards the direction of your heart and inner knowing— this supports you to envision, align with your truth.

﹏ 

And if you want some inspiration and assistance ⤸

Listen (Si apre in una nuova finestra) to my take on this season, the aquarian archetype, how the new moon invites you to reflect and align with your inner vision. For FREE. 35 Minutes of impulses, contemplation & reflection. Because I’m experimenting with this format and would love some feedback (from you and mostly to see how it feels to return to this way of sharing/ teaching).

Practice the above with me, return to love, rest in the heart space, feel into and set your intention (drop me a mail to receive more information).

Practice, sit in ceremony, with yourself, la Luna (moon), La Loba (The Old woman), La que Sabe (The one who knows), the young child, teenager, wo:man.

A ritual I (naturally) committed to a long time ago is to sit in ceremony around each new and full moon. A promise to be myself, to explore and understand myself, so it feels like I’m saying yes to life fully, dissolving resistance (fears), being of service, contributing to change — rooted in and inspired by how I envision life. A life in harmony with nature, our own nature. A peaceful, meaningful, adventurous life. Saying yes to this human experience, fully.

And this is what I began sharing, I think two years ago, almost every new moon.

Side note: I still find myself doubting if I can fully commit to something or someone. Funny how some stories stick with us, huh?

What I (want to) believe now, based on my experience: if it’s worth committing to something, it doesn’t even feel like a conscious choice. It calls us, until we listen, it flows, unfolds organically, not necessarily without any challenges, but it does feel natural, like it’s always been a part of your being, your life, even if the beginning feels rocky, weird, unknown. There is a deeper knowing that this is for you. 

Trusting what calls you, what lights you up, what inspires you, what brings you joy —  is so needed on this earth. This frequency is needed. 

So, how about we dive right into it?

Here are a few examples for how it could all unfold, authentically, when you begin to listen and align

Really there are so many areas of our lives we could look at, what became the most important one for me over the last few months was following my own rhythm.

To live, work, create, learn, communicate in my own pace. Listen to my body, my cycle, my impulses. Unlearning what I thought to be true. Questioning a LOT. Exploring and experimenting a LOT.

There’s been a lot of “my” and “I” and “me” coming up in this journey which felt SO wrong, weird and selfish multiple times — and it’s been so important to own what I feel, need, long for and desire.

Following our own rhythm means saying no. No to projects, activities, people.

And it means saying yes to (your own) life.

Saying no or expressing what we (don’t) want can feel deeeeeply uncomfortable to the point that we just want to run away, scream or cry, it’s like the younger part of us is learning to express its true needs and wants.

It’s a phase of learning how to communicate, it feels clumsy and awkward and of course this brings up critical thoughts because we’re used to feeling more confident in what we do, teach and express — but just not in every area of our lives. And that’s OKAY. If the people around us are equally committed to learn, grow and heal, they can meet us with compassion and patience, if not, then who can you practice with? (And are these really the people you want to hang out/ create life with?)

Where do you feel safe to experiment, to practice?

And at times conflict is unavoidable. It is actually a sign, proof, that you’re not trying to keep the peace at all costs. It is hard. It is incredibly challenging and so freeing.

Speaking your truth brings you closer to yourself, it nurtures confidence, self-reliance, integrity.

And, at the same time, if the part of yourself takes over that wants to be right, or blame others, can you slow down, step back, meet this part with compassion, ask yourself what you believe about the situation and make a reality check (with yourself and/ or the other) - is it really true?

Follow your own rhythm

Here’s an oracle card I pulled twice over the last weeks. I feel like you might want to read it.

My heart is beating a little faster knowing that I’m birthing a whole 12-week journey starting end of March dedicated to this: allowing your own rhythm unfold through you, your way of being, moving, creating, living. (join the waitlist, text “rhythm” (Si apre in una nuova finestra), I’m announcing the details in the next days, it’ll be a small group, big enough to feel the beauty of communal alchemy).

Living in alignment with your own rhythm as an expression of living authentically

The image or natural process I love to come back to is the opening and closing of the heart, or a flower — we need both, opening and closing, turning inwards and outwards, listening to the internal and external signs, truths.

Remember your humanness by being radically honest and compassionate with yourself - because this is the foundation of authenticity (in my experience)

If you find yourself wanting to do all the things, support everyone around you, have high expectations of how you want to be, work, be perceived — is this actually possible?

Or can you admit that you’re human, others are human.

No one is perfect. No one has to be perfect. It is an illusion.

You are allowed to be human.

What do you need?

What do you want?

What are you saying no to so there’s actually space and time to say yes to what you want?

What I want… as a(nother) reminder to feel into what you want

I want to have the capacity to connect, to play, to dream, to serve, to explore, to be creative.

So a closing at times is needed. It’s a natural phenomenon. I can’t take in more information, listen and respond to everyone all day long — and no one expects that (most of the time).

Everyone, including myself, is happier when I’m able to be present, not in a rush, not overstimulated, exhausted or overly sensitive.

And our emotions, the quality of our thoughts and our body speak to us, they inform us about what we need, if we would only listen and be willing to remember the body’s language.

And I find the same to be true with what’s happening around us, nature, the planets - it’s all a mirror — not as an excuse for how we feel and behave, but how we feel about what’s happening around us.

Looking back so we can finally look into the (very near) future

Over the past season (what am I saying, 20 years with Pluto moving through Capricorn) we moved through…

• feeling resistance to old systems, rigid strategies and structures, aversion to anything that didn’t feel aligned anymore, what was once or still is seen and valued as normal

• knowing that things need to change, a need for new ways

• questioning our concept of giving and receiving

• becoming aware of what works and what doesn’t

• re-building our foundation based on our true values

• aligning our actions with our beliefs and vision, making aligned decisions, for ourselves and our community, work, life

• probably melancholy, depressive moods, realising where we/others control, manage and forget to trust the flow of life

• recalibration, rebuilding

• culmination, a coming to an end

This was A LOT. Heavy, intense, exhausting — the old beliefs, fears, behaviours coming to the surface, every time we were brave enough to step into new territory — but for a reason: so we can consciously choose new, more heart aligned ways of meeting ourselves, each other, step by step, day by day.

And now, out of the sudden, everything feels a little different, doesn’t it?

Like there’s new hope, light, ideas, possibilities. This is not a dream. It is the season, your own natural unfolding.

Trust it, even if it’s only a tiny spark of hope, that is enough.

So, could you, just for a moment, be (you)? What if that was enough?

How relaxing and self soothing and encouraging and appreciative would that be, feel like?

I can imagine how much needs to shift and change, how many things you’d like to be different.

I can feel it.

But do we want to rush through life?

What if you could slow down your mind a little bit more, stop trying to find solutions, fix something, map everything out right away and listen, to your heart, your own inner wisdom, meeting your (soul) self?

Return home.

Often.

What would change?

What is already shifting, just by reading/ listening to these words?

What are they stirring inside of you?

What resonates has always been your truth, too.

Embrace it.

The funny, weird aquarian part of me wants to say “take it, you’re welcome'“ and laugh about how we make it so difficult and serious all the time, how we analyse and compare while it is all out there and within, the fun, the joy, the freedom. You might not be able to laugh about all of this yet, but how about you begin to release, shake off what’s so heavy on your heart, shoulders and mind by putting on some music, moving, crying, singing, making sounds, tapping, screaming (I know.. this might be way out of your comfort zone), lying on the ground, breathing deeply, exhaling fully, emptying out.

So something new can begin to grow.

To be continued, soon.

I hope these words, insights and reflections serve you in some way. Share what resonates, share it with someone who popped up in your mind or heart.

Share how you feel, if you want to.

If you haven’t subscribed to the newsletter yet ⤸

Much love,

Teresa