Dealing with Double Consciousness: Being the Change You Need to See

Hey Family,

I've got to share something that's been weighing on my mind recently. I had a meeting with a group of Black apprentices at the educational company where I work, and it stirred up a whirlwind of emotions I wasn't quite prepared for.

The meeting was productive - we discussed their needs and how we might support them. But beneath that productivity was a current of sadness that caught me off guard. These young learners are facing the same issues I grappled with years ago - the same racism, isolation, and segregation. It hit me hard, and I felt a bit foolish for being so surprised.

This experience got me thinking about W.E.B. Du Bois's concept of "double consciousness," and how it relates to what I'm going through. Du Bois described it as always seeing yourself through two lenses - your own, and the one society puts on you. And Family, I'm feeling that duality hard right now.

On one hand, I'm part of the EDI team, working to create change in this large educational company. I'm in a position to potentially make a real difference in these apprentices' educational journeys. It's a full-circle moment for someone like me who hated school, left with barely any qualifications, and had to go back as an adult to get them after discovering I was neurodiverse.

But on the other hand, I'm acutely aware of the unfairness of this situation. My job shouldn't be to correct the mistakes of a system built on inequality. Yet here I am, constantly pushed into a position where I'm undoing and correcting the wrongs done to us. It's like I'm simultaneously the change-maker and the one who needs the change.

This double consciousness shows up in every aspect of my work. When I'm in meetings, am I speaking as the company representative or as someone who's lived through these struggles? When I'm advising on policies, am I thinking as an educator or as someone who was failed by the education system?

It's frustrating that the labour falls to us once again. But at the same time, I recognise that this dual perspective gives me a unique ability to bridge gaps and see angles others might miss. It's exhausting, but it's also what drives me to keep pushing for change.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm feeling a mix of hope and frustration. I'm committed to doing what I can to make things better for these learners and others like them, even though it's not fair that we have to do this work.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, Family. Have you experienced this kind of double consciousness in your own life? How do you navigate the complexities of being both the one pushing for change and the one needing that change? How do you balance the desire to create change with the frustration of having to do so?

As always, I'm grateful for this community and the space to share these reflections.

Join the conversation by replying to this email or by joining me on Patreon (Abre numa nova janela). I look forward to hearing from you.

Blessings,

KK