Finding a soft structure for a creative life

These words were inspired by my process of finding a new structure for my life, a soft, intuitive, natural system, that allows me to be creative, live life on my terms, to let life flow through me rather than forcing, pushing and grasping, to serve humanity, you and to live from a place of love.

I felt such an aversion for really any system, structure or advice, that came from “experts”, it’s not that I don’t trust others, but what my heart and soul needed was time to explore my own rhythm, to trust my intuition and instinct. Space to feel. Containers for creativity. An atmosphere that inspired me.

If you find yourself asking if it’s possible to live and work differently, I think you already know the answer. If something different has been calling you, whispering your name whenever you found yourself in a quiet and calm space or when you experienced the opposite: exhaustion, too much noise, too many rules, opinions, deadlines, mails, no time to pause and let your own creativity and uniqueness shine through — then these words are for you.

I believe it’s essential for every human being to commit to feel their own rhythm, needs, wants and values, learn to listen, trust, embody, communicate and act accordingly. These are the people I trust effortlessly. And these are the people I want to build community with and for. Meaning, I want to be this person, too.

While I don’t yet completely know what this means in detail, in every area of my life, and I think this is not necessary, it is the process that I want to share with you.

A process of unraveling truths, the discovery of forgotten parts, the remembering of our nature (love), the exploration of what we (want to) believe in and what’s outdated and ready to fall away.

Today, I’m diving into the topic of (un)learning and how our interests and curiosity can be our guides towards a life that feels supportive, nourishing, joyful and deeply meaningful — by sharing a short story of where I’m coming from, what I’ve (un)learned, inviting you to reflect on your own story.

Reframing “learning” and “purpose”

When people asked me what I wanted to do with my life (or just after school), the only meaningful thing I was able to communicate was: I want to contribute to change.

But I had no idea what I really wanted (to do or to be).

I hated the school system. And thinking about the time after graduation made me feel overwhelmed by all my interests and possibilities, not feeling good enough at drawing, sports, at anything really.

But luckily I chose to change schools for my last two years and rediscovered my passion for learning and helping others.

And this has been guiding me ever since.

If we can choose what we want to learn, if we begin to trust our natural curiosity and interests again, our passion andability to make decisions for ourselves become more accessible again.

I also wanted to become an adventurer (didn’t really talk about this to anyone though).

Keeping this story short, I decided to just study fitness economics, because I loved sports and the people in my gym, I switched to social work, longing for more depth and meaning, went to Amsterdam for a minor program called positive psychology, discovered my passion for mindfulness, self-discovery and yoga, shared it with friends, chose to go to India for a yoga teacher training and began teaching online during the pandemic, still employed at an educational institution, started a coaching journey for three months because I felt overwhelmed by really any decision. I longed for support, inspiration, guidance. I become aware of what I wanted. Finally.

There’s so much more, of course, but it’s less about the details of my journey and more about that I’d love for you to acknowledge how our lives are so unique, chaotic, beautiful, challenging and different — and yet when we sit down and look back, there’s a thread connecting all these paths and situations. The learning opportunities, the highs and lows, the break ups, break downs and break throughs. There’s an underlying longing, that connects your life and mine, and everyone’s around us. A longing to be ourselves, to thrive, to be healthy, to love and be loved. The words might differ but the core, the pearl of truth unites us as humans.

So awareness for where we’re coming from, where we are and where we want to go, even if it still feels so vague and blurry, is our foundation for change.

But it doesn’t end here. And this is so important — it’s just the beginning of a life unfolding from within, of responding rather than reacting, of letting in the good, accepting what is, discovering ways to love ourselves more deeply.

It’s the moment we can actually feel it in our bones, that there is another path for us, an unknown, not yet completely visible, but promising, colourful and exciting one opening up for us, created by our own longing, trust and energy.

On this path, there’s a lot to (un)learn, phases of letting in and letting go, trial and error.

I learned how to understand my body and heart, to listen better, so I could make aligned decisions.

I learned to not interpret my beating heart immediately as a sign of fear but rather excitement, arriving at the edge of my comfort zone, where growth and new experiences were waiting for me.

I learned to slow down my thoughts, to question doubts and beliefs.

I learned how to meet myself with compassion and kindness.

I learned to fall in love with all parts of me.

To choose love, over and over again, instead of fear.

So love would be my guiding quality.

The most loving thing to do isn’t always easy, but it means moving from merely existing, a state of trance, people pleasing, towards feeling more alive, on purpose, connected (to yourself) and towards thriving.

And all I want to do these days (and probably for the rest of my life) is share the tools and practices that help(ed) me and so many people to be more present. Because life happens in this moment. Not in the past, not in the future. Now, right here, right now.

Presence is the greatest gift you can give to yourself — you probably heard or read this before. And it is true. It’s essential for everyone who wants to fully live. To have an impact. To trust your instinct and intuition. To be yourself. To serve. To give and receive. To move towards homeostasis - a state of balance (usually related to the body and its systems, but I’m using it for our whole being, including heart and soul) and a joyful, peaceful and regenerativefuture*.

So when I use the word purpose, it’s not about this one-liner that describes a specific goal or mission, what I mean by purpose is the feeling of trusting your heart to show you the way, of sensing your inner fire burning for your own life, and maybe there’s already something you are passionate about, something that lights you up and calls you. But we can’t hear a calling or feel our inner fire if we’re out there, focused on what others believe in, expect and do, when we overthink, compare, doubt, postpone.

Our life unfolds with every second, and in each moment there’s a choice we can make.

So what do you choose?

*I’m adding the word regenerative because it’s becoming more and more important for how I want to live, what I want to explore.

How is all of this connected to finding your own rhythm and structure?

Only if we know ourselves and are able to listen to our body’s and heart’s wisdom can we truly say if something is serving or limiting us. Of course, this gets a lot more nuanced if we begin asking if it’s really the structure, the system, or our own patterns, projection, fear, etc. that is in the way of us fully living and thriving — but we have to start somewhere.

And listening to our body, our needs and feeling into our values is a first, essential step.

From here, we could dive into all things body, nervous system, subtle sensations, awareness practices, how to become aware of our values etc. — but this is not the intention for today, although I’m going to share my favourite meditation practice with you a little later.

And if you are here, beginning to learn the language of your body and want some more support and/ or inspiration, if you want to feel more into what’s truly important to you, please just drop me a message and I’ll send you some resources and recommendations.

Today, I want to introduce you to different ways of creating a soft structure — a life that evolves around ritual, aligned with nature and your heart.

Because there are different ways to live, plan and feel more in alignment with nature, our own cycles and seasons.

And who would have guessed - it’s connected to the sun, the moon and the planets.

Why experimenting with another structure or system?

If you’ve been “struggling” with 9-5, 5 days of work, 2 days off, only resting after you’ve worked and did “enough”, if you (secretly) feel like there should be more time to rest, for play, joy, fun and creativity in your life, if you feel pressured to deliver when all you’d like to do is be in nature — this is your reason (or many reasons).

And I’m not even saying that the job itself is the issue, or 9-5. I think we just forgot how to move in alignment with our own rhythm, take breaks, set boundaries and stand up for ourselves, allow us to receive, rest, play, follow our interest, own our strengths and gifts - to be ourselves.

And I’m focusing on work because we spend so much time working. It doesn’t has to start or end here, for sure. Begin where you feel most drawn to — the area of your life that’s longing for more alignment and change.

Guided by the moon

What’s so interesting is the fact that struggling with systems and structures in work eventually showed me that the root cause wasn’t too much freedom or too many tasks, but the inability to follow my heart and instinct, make decisions and commit to one thing. Being okay with things falling away and making space for what truly matters has been my medicine. In work and in every other area of my life.

Make space, allow things to fall away. Rest. Listen to your body and heart. This was not an advice I heard from anyone (probably because I wasn’t ready yet). Not until recently, after I’ve invited more support and rest, looking for people who were doing things differently already. Dropping the expectation of figuring everything out on my own and being more curious about how humans can thrive, rather than survive.

In the first year of being a freelancer, I experimented with all kinds of approaches to help me focus, feel balanced, but most of the time, it didn’t feel sustainable for me. I didn’t want every week to look the same, count my working hours, nor did I want to put everything in my calendar — it was too much structure. The opposite didn’t work either, just going with the flow.

At that point I had entered the world of Astrology for a while already and had begun to integrate rituals into my life. In the beginning I created space for reflection on every new and full moon. But with time, I felt invited to align even more with the seasons, all phases of the moon, feeling into my own cyclical nature and listening more closely to my body, heart and soul. Ritual became a daily part of my life. The way I move from one task and activity to another, how I start my morning and end my day feels more spacious, mindful and slow. Enough time and space to feel, to appreciate and transitioning with a softer mind and heart.

Back to Astrology — when we begin to recognize the energies of the zodiac signs within our character, patterns and parts of ourselves and all around us, it feels like we’re discovering new ways of being in this world. As if there was SO much yet to experience, remembered and owned. And at the same time, we learn to love ourselves more deeply, with self-acceptance, compassion and forgiveness.

When you think about Astrology, I think/ hope by now, you’re not associating it with forecasts, destiny and putting people into boxes anymore, but with a system for self discovery, moving in your own rhythm and remembering what your soul already knows, your gifts, a direction and your inherent worth.

Learning more about each season, the energy of the zodiac sign, its higher and lower frequencies creates a map for us to reflect on where we are on this spectrum. Because we all carry every sign, more or less present, within us. And I’m not even talking about the collective energy yet.

On each new moon, there’s an invitation to set heartfelt intentions, to feel into how this energy can support our unfolding. There’s magic in the air when the darkness is calling us inwards, to listen to our intuition. A dark sky illuminates the stars.

On a full moon, we clear the path, become aware of what needs to fall away, gently. We ask how the lower frequencies show up in our lives, the shadows become (more than we’d like) present. The sun shines light on all the ways we keep ourselves small, act from a place of fear and give our power away. The full moon makes it almost impossible to keep these behaviours and patterns in the dark.

I didn’t know where these rituals would lead me, but I had a feeling. Enough to continue the journey inwards - because it was helping me to live from within, rather than depending on more advice, opinions, approaches.

Becoming aware of what is happening within ourselves leads us, at times, to uncomfortable emotions and patterns: internal obstacles like avoidance, resistance, procrastination, doubts and fears.

But sometimes, or rather often, the obstacle is the way (also the name of a book I think I read a few years ago, by Ryan Holiday).

Rituals help us sit with resistance. A guest that showed up every time I wanted to create or prepare something. So I looked at it with curiosity and love. And before I share the practice I’ve been using to continue this process of untangling difficult emotions and thoughts, I want to share how this played out in my life, why I chose to sit with these emotions and thoughts.

Ask yourself what would change in your own life, if you’d look at resistance (or fear, doubt, etc.) as information, a signpost for a deeper need, something inside that needs attention and probably some love.

A story about resistance, commitment and change

A phase called progressed moon (it’s in the sign of cancer for me right now) really makes me want to build a home, some kind of soft structure, a place where I can invite and welcome you, to be and discover yourself, to hang out, share, learn, grow and remember yourself home, feel a sense of belonging.

Exploring the Cancer-Capricorn axis over the last months inspired me to dream bigger, to lean into commitment, endurance, perseverance and finally sticking to something because my soul has been whispering it is worth it - while staying open for a natural unfolding and realignment.

I’m done with thinking I need more knowledge or experience to create my own “community school”, I’ve been teaching for years now, sharing from experience, guiding, holding space, for the highs and lows of our human experience.

When you’re self employed, it’s easy to postpone something you don’t feel quite ready for or give up when you’re loosing hope — no one is holding you accountable - and to be honest, I wouldn’t want anyone ever tell me again what to do or not to do. So you have to activate your own fire, lean into the passion, excitement. Otherwise nothing will happen, right? I’m not saying we have to do it all alone, I’m speaking about our innate desire to create, serve, to be ourselves — this has to be our driving inspiration and fire. This connection to the origin of everything, to our inner ocean of creativity, life, to source itself, the universe. It’s our own responsibility to keep this connection alive, to remember it. Over and over again. No one will take your hand through the whole process, your whole life. And would you even want that?

So whenever doubts and resistance show up, we can either repeat the pattern of feeding it, giving up, being the victim of life or break the pattern, melt down the protective layer that wants us to avoid pain, failure, rejection, by playing small, returning to a safe haven.

But once you experienced this connection to something greater than yourself, a sense of true (inner) freedom, the possibility of living differently, more authentically, the first option is not an option at all, right?

» The soul sees change as an adventure. The ego sees the same change only in terms of what might go wrong, what might be lost. This fear of the loss of the known compels the ego, even paradoxically, if the known experience is actually a burden. The burden is at least familiar, and less frightening than the unknown represented by freedom. But in that freedom lies the essence of the true identity - the more complete picture of who we are, including the source of light within us. »

— M. Jones

Nourishing and nurturing the part of us, that moves us into the direction of our heart — and tending to the part, which needs a little more encouragement and maybe a compassionate but radically honest reality check

I truly love that I am coming back to two “simple” tools and practices over and over again — the first is helping you question your reality, asking is this really true? — whenever you notice a repeating thought, especially those that unsettle you, feel limiting and bring back a whole army of doubts and fears.

Over the last 10 years I questioned almost everything (especially thoughts and fears) and to sit with it long enough, until I gain more perspective and clarity. Until I can feel what’s going on underneath the surface, so I’m not forever a puppet moved by beliefs, impressions and memories.

To give you a personal example: what stood in the way of bringing my offerings into a structure was the thought that too much structure would feel constricting and might overwhelm me (again). I stopped giving overwhelm power over me, but the impression of this experience stayed.

I thought there are already enough people offering something similar, and (my “favourite”) who am I to create my ownsystem? And why am I making such a big deal out of it anyways?

But you know, if our gifts and ideas don’t get a container to be shared — how would anyone benefit from it?

And coming up with something new every other week or month didn’t feel sustainable at all. But it was confirming something I’ve learned such a long time ago: better let something go, start anew, as soon as “failure” seemed like a possible outcome.

So I’m leaning into creating and building something as I go, re-aligning whenever my heart gives me a hint, but not throwing everything overboard as soon as it feels scary, edgy, risky, vulnerable.

This path needs sensitivity for the subtle signs, internal and external ones and I am finally able to be more discerning, honest, firm, feeling rooted within myself.

It’s a daily decision to embody this version of myself.

It is a daily practice to show up for your own life.

Wouldn’t you agree that what counts is that when we look at ourselves, gaze into our own eyes, we can wholeheartedly say:

I love you, I love this life, I am here for you, I got you, I believe in you, you don’t have to try so hard, you are allowed to surrender, to let life flow through you, to rest, to be yourself.

I hope you do.

No matter if we know each other or not, I see you. I see how much you care. How you’re here to live your own life, to walk your own path, to contribute to change, to be yourself.

Remember to question all which doesn’t feel loving, kind, expansive, true to your heart.

Remember to sit with uncomfortable emotions, stop eating and avoiding them, running away might make you fit, distracting yourself might keep your house clean, but they will find their way back, until you welcome them with compassion and curiosity — which brings me to the second practice I keep coming back.

The practice is called R.A.I.N. - Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Nurture. A mindfulness practice I leaned into since reading “Radical Compassion” by Tara Brach a few years ago. The practice invites you to explore your inner landscape, your subtle and not so subtle reactions to a situation, emotion or thought and the sensations, emotions and thoughts triggered by it — from a loving and compassionate place. It’s about tuning into the body, the heart, the areas that speak to you, so you can tend to these parts of you with loving care, asking what it needs from you.

There are so many practices I love, but this one in particular helped me through quite some tough moments in my life. It is practical and transforms harshness into gentleness. It brings us back to love. Into our bodies and hearts. It trains the muscle of staying present and taking aligned action, instead of jumping into spiraling, overthinking and thus into overwhelm and anxiety.

I haven’t recorded my version of it yet (in English), but this is a reminder for me to finally do it. Until then, just search for RAIN + Tara Brach on YouTube or Spotify, there are so many amazing versions available.

I use this approach as an element in mentoring sessions, too. More as a dialogue so we can work with what’s coming up. Being present in your body really is a returning home. Will write about the body next season. I can’t recommend it enough ❤

What’s serving you? What needs to fall away/ apart?

Now equipped with a practice and remembering to question your thoughts and beliefs, it’s time to reflect on how aligned you feel in your life.

If the systems and structures you find yourself in are actually serving you. If you feel like you can serve in these systems and structures. This will be a topic next season, as Virgo really is the embodiment of service.

I’m editing and adding a little to this post on a full moon in Aquarius, so it’s no surprise that doing things differently is even more present than usual.

This is a time to let things fall away, apart, so we can choose what we really want in our life. Chaos and confusion come before clarity. Uranus, the ruling planet of Aquarius is associated with destruction and chaos and future systems that serve humanity. After two full moons in Capricorn, we’re being asked to continue building on the foundation we carefully questioned and put together in alignment with our values. Aquarius sees a better future, but it might come with unexpected events, shaking things up.

For me personally, my body is longing for rest and sleep. If there’s been a lot of change and uncertainty in your life, give yourself the permission to rest, to let it move through you, rather than trying to figure things out. There’s no right or wrong way, only your truth.

Aquarius doesn’t take advice from people who stick to outdated structures and systems. They do it their way, no matter what people think. It doesn't have to make sense. If you can sense a knowing, a glimpse of clarity, trust it. Be weird, different, awkward, speak your truth, do it your way.

Let this energy support you in being a little more yourself. Dare to experiment.

Journaling Prompts

May these questions serve your unfolding. Guiding you back to your own truth.

• How (often) do you return home? To your own heart, a place where you can feel and listen? Where you can feel you yes and no? What you want or don’t want?

• What makes you (want to) show up for yourself? What connects you to the part of you that knows?

• What in your life (recommendation is to focus on structure and systems) feels limiting?

• How can you create more space and experiment with new approaches?

Some final reminders

I’m never going to say that my approach is the only way — I’m experimenting, learning and trying, too.

My message is more a reminder to stay true to yourself, your instinct.

Trust what your body and emotions are trying to tell you.

Trust nature.

We have to start somewhere. Let go of the old ways if we want change.

Dive into something new, which is, most of the time, actually not new — nature has been there long before us. Seasons, cycles, phases, transformation, the sun, the moon, the planets.

When we begin to step into the unknown, remember nothing needs to be perfect.

We can always reflect, realign, adjust. It’s always a process.

Follow your interest. Your heart. Learn what supports your unfolding.

I can’t wait to explore the petals and layers of your human existence with you.

To share more writings, practices and tools with you that help you understand what you need to thrive.

You’re carrying everything you need within yourself.

Jump to Instagram (S'ouvre dans une nouvelle fenêtre) or my Website (S'ouvre dans une nouvelle fenêtre) if you want to practice or work with me.

Let me know which system or structure you’re questioning, what you’ve been experimenting with. This makes my explorer's heart beat faster.

Much love,

Teresa