Reflecting on the Dermot Kennedy Concert - March 2023

So, let me give you a little backstory.
I've started listening to Dermot Kennedy's music a couple of years ago, but never followed him on socials. Until autumn last year when he was busking in my hometown and a friend from school posted it on her storys. I started listening more intentionally. Watched the Livestream of the album-release busking in Dublin, listened to interviews. His words started to end up on watercolor cards. And when the tickets went up for the Sonder Tour my sister and I grabbed us some.
At the time of buying them i just had been at my first concert in years due to (social) anxiety. It was a smaller venue and the Sonder Concert was in the second largest venue in my city. So i was hestitant to get standing tickets and we opted for seated ones. But the crazy thing is - being at the concert at looking down at the crowd, I could imagine myself actually opting for standing tickets next time. Which just shows me that anxiety does get less when you push through it.

Two weeks ago I started seeing the clips online, including the ones from the Meet & Greet and thought about upgrading. I didn't decide until last minute and we had the chance to get two Upgrade tickets via Insta and headed out the door (printed the tickets 15min before the bus left). Anywho, we made it to the venue in time (after witnessing a man throwing my watercolor card in the trash...).

The Meet & Greet was lovely and my sister and I stood there smiling the biggest we had in a while, absolutely in awe of getting to hear this voice live.  Dermot's Q&A answers were really good - my favorite part was probably where he said “but i don’t worry about being vulnerable - it’s the only way.”
Well, the picture phase was a little awkward but i guess that's just how they are? Tried saying thank you for Homely Ground but no idea what came out...

We had two-three hours to spent until the show. But, boy, was it worth the wait. I have never heared someone singing and performing live with such vulnerability and honesty and joy. He was putting everything into every single song. And the whole visuals and the part with the Irish president (plus the band!!!) - crazy indredible! I'm still lost for words to be honest. You can see some snippets I put together on YouTube! (S'ouvre dans une nouvelle fenêtre)
And as much as this night left me so, so happy with a heart smiling big (especially hearing and singing along to Homeward with my sister as this song is special to us!), I can not stop thinking about some things.

Before Innocence & Sadnesshe talked about protecting the part of himself (S'ouvre dans une nouvelle fenêtre) where his creativity and songs come from. And I sat there, thinking: "Sh*t, I havent been doing that." I stopped writing because of time and stress and doubts. Especially when i had started to put it out there, I felt for a long while that everything i wrote had to reach that level of being "good enough to post". But that's not what writing is about. Second of all, since this apprenticeship I haven't been taking care of this creative side of me and just letting it play. It wasn't until February when i listened to Charlie Mackesy that i tried something new and spent the evenings after work drawing. And yes, creating the watercolor cards is a big way in which i make sure to spent time offline, unwinding. But I want to take care of the part of me that wants to write especially. That wants to try new things. It feels like I've been letting it drown for way too long.

During Innocence & Sadness tears filled my eyes, as I felt like I was singing parts of it to my younger self. Same thing happened when I watched the Sonder Busking Livestream and sang along to Outnumbered. It felt like giving younger me a hug. Younger me was anxious and scared a lot, she felt hurt from words I wish she never heard. And she made decisions scared. And it’s okay. Cause I know what she’s been through but I also know what she can be.

„I woulda waited for you all night to talk for a minute. I’ll sing into the cold dark night til you listen. People spend their life heads down, souls hidden. I’m trying to be who you need me to be.“

I wanna look up and stop hiding for her.

„Every minute, better live it. Let your tears erode my shoulder like a cliff side, heavy minutes, steady rhythm joy. The reason I stay - well, I need you today.“ 🥺🥹🤍🫶🏼

There’s so much going on inside of me that I’m still trying to capture and put into words. I want to take better care of this part of me. I want to let it speak and listen. I’m tired of safe choices.
And that's why after this evening I am one step closer to heading towards a creative "career" after this apprenticeship. Maybe study something creative afterwards. Work on the skill. Dare to be vulnerable. Dare to do it brave. Because while the thought of it scares me tremendously it also makes my heart smile really big. Like, I can't keep ignoring, what makes my heart smile. ~24.03.2023